Why do we sabotage ourselves?

I dont think Im alone when I say I tend to totally give in to food sabotage! All my life I have battled with controlling how much I eat of something because it taste so darn good I just can't get enough - well until I bring myself to the verge of being sick! You would think I would learn and there are studies out there that say - "don't deprive yourself give into those cravings and if you do eat till you are sick chances are high that you won't want it again for a long time" That doesnt seem to happen for me. I can do so well for a long period of time and then I get that urge and when it hits I can't get enough of anything, and usually I will chose sugary, salty, and crunchy food and my mindset tells me to eat it all, everything then it will be out of the house and you wont have the temptation tomorrow. How do I learn to not let those taste set off that indulgent trigger?

From an early age food is used as a reward, and usually those foods are not healthy choices. Do you remember being young and doing something that pleased your parents and they were so excited they gave you a treat, like a cookie a dish of ice cream? Did you ever hear them say "Hey sweetie, I am so proud of you hear have an apple, or a banana or lets steam a nice dish of broccoli?" As I get older I still tend to use that "reward" system - you just ran 70 miles this week you "deserve 3 pints of ice cream, some pizza and anything else you desire!" Truth is I know it poisons my body and makes me feel like total crap afterwards but sometimes I just lose focus. There has to be something that causes us to lose this focus because we can stay of track for so long then BAM it hits and we have to be sure not to let it swallow us up and keep us under its control. And it can be a very powerful thing! At least with my life, food has always been top priority. If I go to lunch with my parents the topic at lunch will always involve whats for dinner?

I must stop doing this to myself, it is not worth the guilty feelings nor the way my body feels after eating the crap!