Self doubt starts already

I need to catch up with my event recaps for Rocky Raccoon, Mercedes and the Last Chance runs and since I like pictures it will have to wait till I have a little more time to load them onto my computer. This weekend my friend Heather is doing her first double marathon weekend!! Actually she typically does one marathon a year but did Last Chance with me 2 weeks ago so it's an exciting time!! She will also qualify for marathon maniacs! Im getting excited about this weekend as both courses look to have some great climbing-yes Im excited about climbing since I will have a ton of it in less then a month at the Zion 100 in Zion National Park. Now being that that event is less then a month away I have started picking apart my training, comparing it to last years training that wasnt super consistent for Umstead 100 and having all this self doubt come over me. Being a bad winter here I did miss a lot of my week day runs and last weekend missed my long back to back as I took the Ohio Conceal and Carry class and that took over 13 hours away! This weekend and next weekend are both double marathon weekends and then I start to back down....I laugh at the words back down cause I havent put the miles in that I had wanted. My January miles were 38 miles less then last year which however my Feb miles were 37 miles more then last Feb.....now neither last year nor this year have the miles in that I had planned either! I do know that a 100 is so mental but I also know my knee, my foot and some other issues all will play a big role in my success come April 4-5. I still don't know which shoes I am most comfortable in, I'm not sure which pack I want to bring and I just ordered one from ultimate direction because it has a place for the trekking poles. My nathans that has a place for trekking poles just didnt cut it and I know I dont want them jumping around in the back of the pack in the ultraspire pack-all this uncertainty adds to the self doubt that has already started. I need to start thinking about how many drop bags what time I expect to be there to know what to put in them and all that- My mind and body then starts to jump back to last year and I did the same thing before Umstead, this time the only difference is I know how bad it hurts and I am starting to remember the pain but mostly I remember the after pain. I also start to think about the time I will be out there and I think more about that then the mileage I have to cover. I will GET to see two amazing sunrises and one sunset while out west which is my favorite place to be. I have never been to Zion so this will even be better. When Im out west looking at the gorgeous mountains and landscape all I can do is just smile. So I just will tell myself for the next couple weeks you GET TO SMILE FOR 34 HOURS!!!